Kindness towards Parents

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.

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All praise belongs to الله the one who has honoured us with Islam and blessed us with numerous blessings and peace be upon our prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم the best of the creation and upon his family and his companions.

One among the Innumerable favours of الله upon us is the blessing of parents in our life, indeed they are one of the pathways to enter paradise. الله made them the reason for us to come into existence prior to which we were unheard and unmentioned. Kindness towards the parents is from the most tremendous of obligations and is something very easy.

However, it is long lost especially in times like this where parents are treated in a way which is highly reprehensible and unappreciative. So it is necessary to learn about obedience towards parents and its status in Islam.

Allah جل وعلا says:

وَاعبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلا تُشرِكوا بِهِ شَيئًا ۖ وَبِالوالِدَينِ إِحسانًا وَبِذِي القُربىٰ وَاليَتامىٰ وَالمَساكينِ وَالجارِ ذِي القُربىٰ وَالجارِ الجُنُبِ وَالصّاحِبِ بِالجَنبِ وَابنِ السَّبيلِ وَما مَلَكَت أَيمانُكُم ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لا يُحِبُّ مَن كانَ مُختالًا فَخورًا

Worship Allah and join none with him in worship, and do Good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al Masakeen,the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer,those whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as proud and the boastful.

[Surah An-Nisaa:36]

وَوَصَّينَا الإِنسانَ بِوالِدَيهِ حُسنًا ۖ وَإِن جاهَداكَ لِتُشرِكَ بي ما لَيسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلمٌ فَلا تُطِعهُما ۚ إِلَيَّ مَرجِعُكُم فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِما كُنتُم تَعمَلونَ

And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents. But if they strive to make you join with Me (In worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. To Me is your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

[Surah Al-Ankabut:8]

وَقَضىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلّا تَعبُدوا إِلّا إِيّاهُ وَبِالوالِدَينِ إِحسانًا ۚ إِمّا يَبلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُما أَو كِلاهُما فَلا تَقُل لَهُما أُفٍّ وَلا تَنهَرهُما وَقُل لَهُما قَولًا كَريمًا.

وَاخفِض لَهُما جَناحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحمَةِ وَقُل رَبِّ ارحَمهُما كَما رَبَّياني صَغيرًا

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower to them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My lord! Bestow on them your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young”.

[Surah Al Isra:23, 24]

وَوَصَّينَا الإِنسانَ بِوالِدَيهِ حَمَلَتهُ أُمُّهُ وَهنًا عَلىٰ وَهنٍ وَفِصالُهُ في عامَينِ أَنِ اشكُر لي وَلِوالِدَيكَ إِلَيَّ المَصيرُ

And we have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good )to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years-give thanks to me and to your parents. To me is the final destination.

[Surah Luqman:14]

The above ayahs command us with the worship of الله without any partners and emphasise the importance of being dutiful towards parents.

Showing kindness towards parents is one of the most loved deed by Allah which is evident from the below hadith:

Abdullah bin رضي الله عنه reported: I asked the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, “which deed is loved by Allah? Messenger of Allah said, Salah at its proper time.” I asked, what next? he صلى الله عليه وسلم replied, kindness to parents. I asked, what next? he replied, “Jihad in the way of Allah.” [Al Bukhari and Muslim]

Source: The Book of Miscellany, Riyad as-Salihin Hadith 312.

It is essential to show Kindness and obedience to parents even if they are non Muslims:

Asma binth Abu Bakr As-Siddiq رضي الله عنهما said: My mother came to me while she was still a polytheist, so I asked messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم , My mother who is ill disposed to Islam, has come to visit me. Shall I maintain relations with her? He replied yes, maintain relations with your mother. [Al Bukhari and Muslim]

[Source: The Book of Miscellany, Riyad as-Salihin Hadith 325.]

The prohibition of Disobedience:

Allah says:

وَقَضىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلّا تَعبُدوا إِلّا إِيّاهُ وَبِالوالِدَينِ إِحسانًا ۚ إِمّا يَبلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُما أَو كِلاهُما فَلا تَقُل لَهُما أُفٍّ وَلا تَنهَرهُما وَقُل لَهُما قَولًا كَريمًا.

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

[Surah Al Isra:23]

It is clear from the above ayah even uttering word of disrespect is prohibited and will lead us to earning displeasure of Allah and we seek refuge in الله from falling into this.

You may ask how is it related to displeasure of Allah?

The answer lies in the hadith:

Abdullah ibn Amr رضي الله عنهما reported: The messenger of Allah said, the pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of parents and the displeasure of Allah is In the displeasure of parents.

[Source: Sunan At Tirmidhi 1899]

It is from the major sins to disobey parents as well as from most serious of the major sins:

وعن عبد الله بن عمرو بن العاص رضي الله عنهما عن النَّبيّ قَالَ :"الكَبَائِرُ : الإشْرَاكُ بالله، وَعُقُوقُ الوَالِدَيْنِ، وَقَتْلُ النَّفْس، وَاليَمِينُ الغَمُوسُ" . ((رواه البخاري)) .

Abdullah bin 'Amr bin Al-'as (رضي الله عنهما) reported: The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "(Of the) major sins are: to ascribe partners to Allah, disobey parents, murder someone, and to take a false oath (intentionally)". [Al-Bukhari].

[Source: The Book of Miscellany, Riyad as-Salihin Hadith 337]

However it Is not permissible to obey our parents if they command us to do things that are impermissible and bring about disobedience of Allah but in any case they can never be disrespected.ٖ

وَإِن جاهَداكَ عَلىٰ أَن تُشرِكَ بي ما لَيسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلمٌ فَلا تُطِعهُما ۖ وَصاحِبهُما فِي الدُّنيا مَعروفًا ۖ وَاتَّبِع سَبيلَ مَن أَنابَ إِلَيَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرجِعُكُم فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِما كُنتُم تَعمَلونَ

But if they both strive with you to make you join in worship with me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me in repentance and in obedience. Then to me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

[Surah Luqman:15]

A person who is obedient and dutiful to his parents should know that no matter how good he is to them he can never thank or repay them enough:

A man came to Abdullah ibn Umar رضي الله عنهما and said: I carried my mother on my back all the way from Khorasan until I made her complete the rites of hajj. Do you think I have repaid her? He said ‘No, not even for one contraction!

[Source: Book: At their feet Page:25 By Al hafiz Abul Faraj ibn al jawzi (May Allah have mercy on him)].

What about those whose parents passed away and were ignorant on rights of parents upon them?

Despair not! You are still able to be righteous towards them! you may ask how? It is by rectifying yourselves and making Dua'a for them and giving charity on their behalf.

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ إِذَا مَاتَ الإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَمَلُهُ إِلاَّ مِنْ ثَلاَثَةٍ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ وَعِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ وَوَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ ‏"‏‏.‏

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah رضي الله عنه that the Messenger of Allah said: "When a man dies all his good deeds come to an end except three: Ongoing charity (Sadaqah Jariyah), beneficial knowledge and a righteous son who prays for him."

[Source: Sunan an-Nasa'i 3651, In-book reference : Book 30, Hadith 41]

This hadith makes it very clear that the dua'a of the child will benefit his parents in the hereafter so it is upon the children to make lots of supplication and give charity on his parents behalf.

Kindness towards parents is an easy affair but Shaytan knows that it is one of the means to attain paradise so he makes this matter heavy on the people. So seek refuge from Shaytan the outcast and ask الله to aid us in being dutiful to our parents.

I ask الله to make us among those who show kindness and do righteousness towards our parents by the way of speech, action and wealth and protect us from the evil of displeasing them and may الله forgive us for our shortcomings in giving the rights of our parents. Aameen!